Today

I’m sitting in front of the computer screen, the submit button pulsing. Do I buy a pizza? Do I not buy a pizza? I’m trying to be good. But I don’t really care about being good. I want a pizza. But it’s really expensive. It’s like $16 for one pizza. It would be cheaper for two, but how am I supposed to eat two pizzas? I would like to be somewhere else. Possibly hiking or riding a tandem bike. But there’s no one to do those things with. And I’m trying to ignore that fact. It is really pretty outside right now. But if I were to go hiking by myself, there would be a serial killer, or worse, a serial rapist, hiding around the second or third turn. I had a dream about being sexually assaulted. It was more like some one was humping my leg and getting off on it, but in my dream I was crying and screaming and it was just like he was raping me even though it was just my leg. So maybe I won’t go on a hike by myself which means I wont be going on a hike. That thought, that alone thought, squeezes through my eyes for like a second but then I push it back down. No one, especially me, wants to hear about it. I could watch more Law and Order while playing one-suit spider solitaire again. Like I have for the past four days. Why one-suit and not two? Not four for obvious reasons. That’s just way too difficult. Why make things more complicated? So why not two-suit? I tried it, but I like that I can finish in three and a half minutes. I can’t do that with two-suit, and besides two-suit is too complicated, too. I don’t have enough cash for the pizza anyway.