First official blog. I don't know why I have this need to publish thoughts in my head. Remember when it used to be that your diary was sacred and if your little brother or one of the little neighborhood kids ever got their grubby hands on it, that was the end of your life? I mean, there was stuff in there about the boy you really liked, how you hated your brothers, how your best friend was really annoying sometimes, how you really felt about your parents. Of course that was a long time ago.
I feel old. When did 29 become old? When did I become an adult? When are things supposed to settle? I feel like one of those sand and water puzzles between the two sheets of glass. You shake it up and watch it settle. I always waited for the last grain to settle before I shook it all up again. I guess it would be boring if the sand just sat there. But sometimes I get so tired of the grind.
I know it's fear that keeps me at low-paying unskilled jobs. I have a graduate degree. Why do I put up with this stuff? Well, what if I got a real grownup job? What if I hated it? What if I really sucked it up? What if it prevents me from having a life? What kind of life am I having anyway?
I want to go to Rogue Wave in August. Do I purchase tickets? Will I be in CA away from everyone I know and love? Will I ever find that person I want to drink tea with, to wake up with, to talk or not talk with? (Will I ever quit using my prepositions incorrectly?) Can I have just one answer? Just one. I don't want to know everything, I just want to know one thing. It could be completely random. I guess that's just not how it works.
A part of this blogging thing is the reaching, reaching, reaching. Like radio signals, ham radios, is anybody out there? I guess that's another part of not knowing. How does a world profess to be so small but is in reality so impossibly wide and profoundly lonely?
So hello. I welcome myself into this world of online blogging. This is for me, but I suppose it could also be for you. Whoever you are.
